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Candy Guide

the definitive halloween candy tier list

S The Legends

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups - The undisputed king. Chocolate and peanut butter is the greatest combo in candy history and nobody will ever convince me otherwise.
Snickers - It's got nougat, caramel, peanuts, and chocolate all working together. Basically a meal. No notes.
Full-Size Anything - Doesn't even matter what it is. If a house gives out full-size bars, that house is royalty and you remember their address forever.
Kit Kat - Perfectly snappable. Perfectly shareable. You won't share it though, and that's fine.
Twix - Two bars in one package means you can eat one now and one "later." Later means 30 seconds from now.

M&M's - Peanut or plain, both are solid. The fun-size bags are never big enough though. That's their only flaw.
Butterfinger - That flaky crunchy center is something else. Gets stuck in your teeth but you don't care.
Milky Way - Basically a Snickers without the peanuts. Softer, smoother, still really good.
Sour Patch Kids - First they're sour, then they're sweet. Your tongue will be wrecked by the third handful and you'll keep going anyway.
Skittles - Taste the rainbow or whatever. The point is they're fruity, they're chewy, and a whole bag disappears in about two minutes flat.

3 Musketeers - Light, fluffy, kind of boring compared to a Snickers but still totally acceptable.
Nerds - Tiny, crunchy, fun. The box is half air though and everyone knows it.
Jolly Ranchers - Watermelon and blue raspberry carry the whole brand. Green apple is fine. Grape is just there.
Starburst - Pink and red ones are top tier. Orange is okay. Yellow exists and that's about all you can say for it.
Baby Ruth - Underrated honestly. It's in the same family as Snickers but never gets the same love.
Whoppers - Malted milk balls are a weird thing to enjoy but some people are really into them. Respect.

Tootsie Rolls - They taste like chocolate that gave up halfway. You'll eat them but only if everything else is gone.
Dum Dums - A lollipop that lasts about 45 seconds. The mystery flavor is the only interesting part.
Smarties - Chalky little tablets that taste vaguely like something. Kids pretend to smoke them and that's basically their whole purpose.
Laffy Taffy - The jokes on the wrapper are terrible and the candy sticks to the wrapper. Banana flavor is weirdly okay though.
Candy Necklaces - You're eating jewelry. It tastes like compressed sugar and leaves a weird ring around your neck. Still kinda fun for about five minutes.
Swedish Fish - There's one flavor and nobody can tell you what it is. You eat them anyway.

Candy Corn - Look, some people love it. Those people are wrong. It's waxy, it's too sweet, and by the third piece you feel like you've made a mistake. The debate will rage forever though.
Raisins - This isn't candy. This is dried fruit. Handing out raisins on Halloween should be illegal in all 50 states.
Pennies - One cent. You gave a child one cent. That penny probably costs more to make than it's worth and now it's at the bottom of a pillowcase getting chocolate on it.
Necco Wafers - Taste like antacid tablets from 1940. Somehow they keep making these and somehow people keep being disappointed by them.
Good & Plenty - Black licorice covered in a candy shell. If you enjoy these, you might also enjoy chewing on tree bark.
Wax Lips/Bottles - You can't actually eat these. Well, you can, but you shouldn't. It's just wax. Wax is not food.
Toothbrushes / Dental Floss - Not candy. A war crime disguised as "caring about children's health." Save it for the dentist's office.
Religious Pamphlets - You cannot eat a pamphlet. You cannot trade a pamphlet. This is the worst possible thing to find in a trick-or-treat bag.

Always sort your candy before you start trading. Know what you have and know what you're willing to give up. Information is power.
Reese's and Snickers are the gold standard. You can trade one of those for two or three lesser candies easy.
If someone offers you a "two Tootsie Rolls for one Kit Kat" deal, walk away. That's a scam and they know it.
Siblings get first dibs on trades but also siblings are the hardest to negotiate with. Be prepared.
Never trade away your last full-size bar. That's your trophy. You earned it by walking to whatever house was giving those out.
If you don't like something, hold onto it anyway. Someone will want it eventually and that's leverage.
The best time to trade is the night of Halloween when everyone's running on sugar and excitement. People make reckless trades at 10pm and that works in your favor.
Candy corn actually has trading value to the right person. Find that person and unload it all at once.

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